I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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