I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
