I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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