she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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