you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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