I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
