i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
