I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
