A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
