im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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