Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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