My friends, they love my intelligence
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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