I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
People in love make me want to vomit
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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