I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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