WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
