And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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