The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
