the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
