i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
