Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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