I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
