Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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