How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
