sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize