Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
