I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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