im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
