I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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