You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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