what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
