Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
