just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
