Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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