I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize