She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
