we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
