i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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