Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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