Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
