...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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