I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
