We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
