Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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