I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
