didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
