You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
