Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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