DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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