I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
