her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
