My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
