I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
