In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
