is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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