thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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