I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
