I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize