YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
