PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
