Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize