I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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