i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My vagina is very pro this idea
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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