I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize