Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
