I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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