I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
