That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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