you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
