We're facebook friends in real life
So drunk its hurt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
