u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
