I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
