It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
