my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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