I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
