she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
