The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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