she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize