I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
