Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
