eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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