I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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