We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
