I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
