My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
