Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
