i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize