the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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