Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
