That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
