Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to have your abortion
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
