We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
