When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
