U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
