the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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