Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
