Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
