The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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