I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
