I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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