Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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