My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
